Dear God…

I’ve never really considered religion as an option to cure my depression.  It doesn’t make sense.  There are so many things I can find fault in with Christianity and the idea of God.  The idea that He would take an innocent persons life so easily makes me doubt He would ever exist if He is meant to be ‘all loving’. 

Today at work, however, a patient was talking to a Chaplain.  He had been suffering for a long time, and seemed to find peace as soon as he had said a prayer and ‘spoken’ to God.  So I got home and decided to see what the big deal was.  I read a few religious blogs, a few stories about religious miracles, and a few bible passages about depression and what the bible says about suicide.  There were actually a few deep passages that hit home.  I am almost tempted to try praying, but I don’t know what I would pray for.  Do I pray that I can find happiness?  Or do I pray that the world around me takes a turn for the better so I can’t help but be happy?  World peace sounds pathetic but maybe it’s the cure.  Maybe if I can stop worrying about other people for a moment, I can focus on myself.

“He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.  Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.”
Isaiah 53:3-4

I aspire to be a good person.  I aspire to be happy. 

The rest is all bullshit.


One thought on “Dear God…

  1. As all things, you can find good in religion. I am sorry to hear you are so filled with sadness. Speaking from someone who is also battling depression, you are certainly not alone, but I know that there is only limited comfort in that.

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