How exciting.

After hosting a leaving party last night, it hit home that in 6 days i am out of here! It excites me more than words can express, yet I have such a heavy heart. Saying goodbye to the people who love me is very difficult, and will only get harder the closer it gets to my leaving date. But I’m excited too, I’m sure.

But i decided to start a new blog for my travels. I will still update this from time to time, as it is my little baby of a blog, and write some more serious stuff. My new blog will be my happy travelling memories.

So go have a look at my new one! It will get more exciting when I’m actually away, as I’m still stuck in boring England at the moment. Just watch the space:

http://thesearchingscribbler.wordpress.com

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This is going to be tough

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I am not looking forward to leaving my sister when I fly to the other side of the world in 10 days. We have got so close, and just spent a fun weekend in Chelsea together.

I’m going to miss her so much. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that my dad treats her to a plane ticket for her Christmas present!

Life of a Recovering Depressive

There seems to be a need for every result to have a cause. So what is the cause of my depression? Why, like the millions of others who suffer, have I been forced to suffer with this horrible illness? I sure as hell didn’t ask for it, and I believe that, for the first time in 5 years, I may eventually be on the right route out of my black maze.

One of my closest friends recently told me to grow up, that depression is an illness for teenagers. I told him to go f*** himself. It is one of the most narrow minded comments that has ever been thrown my way. 1 in 3 people suffer from one sort of mental health illness or another; children, teenagers, adults…people of every age. It’s difficult to know what causes them, and it varies from person to person, so to blame it on hormones is hard to hear. I can tell a difference between a day when I feel mad and sad due to hormones, and day when I feel infuriated and lost due to depression.

I’ve described depression as a black hole, or maze. I recently finished my Cognitive Behavioural Therapy sessions, and it has taught me numerous coping techniques. It’s caused me to realise that life is this maze I’ve been hiding in. But they don’t have to be black and intimidating; just find the light switch and things will be easier. Life is a maze, and you can choose what path to choose. Not everything is straight forward, but as long as you can see more than one option out of a situation, things will roll a lot smoother.

I need to stop fighting every day. I need to stop being scared of making the wrong choices. Yes, some things may not go my way, and I may feel helpless for a while, but I just need to backtrack and take the other option, take the other turning of the maze.

I am grateful. Things are not easy, but I am grateful for the constants in my life. Things are not easy, but life would be boring without challenges. Life would be boring without heartbreak, broken friendships, death, work. It makes us appreciate the small moments where we feel true emotions. Whether they are good or bad, it doesn’t matter. It’s how we cope; how we learn; how we grow that really matters.

I’m learning to love my mistakes, and learn from them. I have a long old way to go, but this is a start. I feel fresh, and ready to grow as a person. I can smell the light switch in my maze, I just need to take a few more steps to flick it on.