Jesus Christ I’m struggling today. Why is everything so tough?
It’s been a while.
I have moved to Melbourne and am loving it here so much. I am selling energy door to door which isn’t the best job in the world, but the people I work with are beyond amazing. They have become like my family and I can’t imagine being without them now.
However, like always, I have ended up getting myself into a horrible situation. When I first came back to the city after ages in the outback, I slept with a guy who was completely lovely and caring. I could maybe have imagined a future with him. However, after sleeping together (unprotected) and taking the morning after pill, he decided he wasn’t ready for anything serious. That’s was fine…until a couple of weeks ago. I was late so took a pregnancy test. Positive. Shit. After a while of being shit scared I eventually told a couple of my close friends. They were totally supportive and I love them so much for it. I have had a while to come to terms with it, and was almost ready to make a choice with what to do. But my body made that choice for me. Today I miscarried. I’ve never been so emotionally confused in my entire life. Obviously I am grateful I am not pregnant as I can barely even look after myself, but I had come to the decision before then to keep it. I could have been a mum.
I know that decision at the age of 19 possibly wasn’t the best, but it was what I wanted. To have that taken away from me was devastating.
I guess it’s just my body’s way of telling me now isn’t the right time. I suppose it’s for the best though. It just hurts. So much. My heart is breaking for what could have been.
Stay strong, Becci.