Trusting in Love

It’s been over a year since I met the man I love.

He puts up with me in my worst states; the states when I’m hangry, full of PMS fun, anxiety ridden, and beating myself up over problems out of my control.

I need constant confirmation that we are okay.  That our relationship is working.  That he still loves me.  I wish I could just trust in us, but my anxiety makes it hard for me to do so. We are out of the honeymoon stage, that’s for sure, but each night when he says he loves me, I always want to double check. There are no reasons for me to doubt it anymore, yet my head can’t comprehend that I’ve found someone so perfect.

I find it funny that when I was younger, not a child, but in my teens, I imagined my relationships to be the stories and romances I knew about from books and films.  I have come to realise that these relationships just don’t exist. We love each other, but our nights aren’t spent wrapped around each other. We chat, we binge watch TV shows, we play games, we live this normal working life. We are tired, we eat, we sleep, we repeat. But it’s ‘we’ and it’s so strong.

And I am so infinitely happy.

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Dear Followers

Please forgive me, I am slightly ginned out whilst writing this, so grammar/spelling maybe amiss.

I don’t know what to do.

I am receiving a number of unsolicited dick pics.  This may not seem like the biggest deal in the world, but if you can refer to my previous blog posts, I hope you can understand why this may cause upset and anger.

I worry it’s due to my past.  I am sat here in bed with the man who I implicitly love, worrying that my past love of men and my interest in their sexual advances, thinking that I am worth nothing less than receiving these pictures.  I hate that.  These men are disgusting, and I know that; the ‘dick pic sharing population’ is massive.  I am not alone in those that are suffering from receiving these.

It is upsetting, anxiety causing, and ultimately demoralizing.

I need help, guys.  If anyone has any experience in app development, that would be great.  I want to create a platform that allows women (and men if applicable) to be able to share these dick pics and tag the dickhead who shared them.  I have no clue about the legalities of it, but I didn’t ask for these photos.  If they’re happy to share them with me, I’m happy to share them with the world.

Over and out,

A completely done with sexual harassment, Becci

I’m sure

To the man who has stolen my heart,

Please don’t abuse my trust and my choice to love you so deeply. I know you love me, but don’t jeopardize this by still thinking, and Facebook stalking, your ex.

I want to be your future, I want to trust you implicitly, and love you deeper every day.  I want you to feel the same.

Please stop living in the past, and start looking at me as your future, and your everything.  If you don’t, you will lose me.

And not to blow my own trumpet, I am the best thing that will ever have happened to your life.

Finding My Feet

There is so much pressure these days to be settled, to have a house, to know exactly what route your life is heading in.  The expectation is stressful and detrimental to succeeding in day-to-day goals that make up real life.

I started an apprenticeship in a press agency nearly six months ago.  It started off great when I was learning new skills on a daily basis; I now feel I have hit this glass ceiling where I have nothing else left to learn, so need to have a frank discussion with my boss.  This is not an easy thing to do, as the expectations for me in this office are different to what I was expecting.  I thought I would have the opportunity to write for the newspapers eventually; in reality, I am sourcing nice pictures.  It is a job that needs to be done, but it is not testing my brain abilities as much as I would like.  I am not an idiot, and I love using my brain.  When I don’t use it, I become restless, and start drifting.

I need to remember I am a young adult with goals and ambitions; if I don’t air these ambitions I will end up in a spiral that I will ultimately be stuck in.

If anyone has any advice on how to adult well, it would be much appreciated, as I am still intimidated by anyone with a higher position of authority than me.  I also get sweaty sweaty hands when I talk on the phone to people I don’t know either.  Advice on that too would be great (I have tried talcum powder – successful in the short term, but looks weird to use it often).

Little Things

I am happy.

Things in my imperfect life are seemingly perfect.

I have small little weights on my shoulders that take the form of a still ongoing police investigation, but those are fine.  I am stronger than those weights.

I have a man who cares for me, who doesn’t care that I’m a little damaged, who doesn’t freak out if he thinks he’s found a naughty video of me on porn sites (I have a naughty doppelganger).  It’s calm, but it is enough.

I have a job that provides me with mental stimulation, and allows me to be in communication with people all around the world.  It will give me the opportunity to write in the future.

I have a family who love me, despite my often flippy moods.  Who have put up with me through my difficult times, and are now just happy to have me out the other side, and almost back to normal.

My life is steady, calm, and beautiful.

I am happy.

 

To the bitch who thinks it’s okay to take my blog out of context,

My blog is full of analogies I use to better understand my mental health conditions.  It is also something that I use to help other people understand their situations a bit more.

To use this against me, and to infer that I am slut, makes you a far, far more inferior person than me.

Warmest regards,

Me.

P.S.  Educate yourself.