So here are some things I wish I had been told about what to actually expect when you get that beautiful little plus sign on a stick you just pissed on.
1. You get weird pains, in weird places, nearly all the time. From even before I confirmed I was pregnant, I knew I was pregnant because of these weird period pains without the period ever appearing. I called the doctor’s so many times in the first 6 weeks panicking. Part of this is good because one of my weird pains they worried was ectopic because it was all one sided in my groin. Turns out I had a cyst on my ovary that side. They can’t do anything about it, but it at least puts to rest one of these pain anxieties.
2. Pregnancy related anxiety. This is probably not helped by the above aches and pains, but no one tells you how damn attached you get to the bundle of cells in you, and the speed it happens. Everything that feels abnormal, and my anxiety levels rocket making me think I’m going to lose this precious gift I was surprised with. My anxiety also tells me my boyfriend is going to leave me, that my friends don’t like me anymore because I can’t drink and smoke with them, and that if I eat mayonnaise, I will definitely pass on listeria to the baby. 100% of these are unnecessary anxieties.
3. How stroppy you become. Yes I heard that your hormones are a little out of whack, but honestly I’ve never been so stroppy in my life, and I am very prone to strops. Also that stropping leads to excessive crying.
4. Leading on from the previous point, crying. At everything. The other day I was laughing really hard at my sometimes clutsy boyfriend, and then suddenly I was hysterically sobbing. For literally no reason. I also cry for very petty reasons. For example, my boyfriend suggested we have skin on mashed potatoes when the potato peeler was in the dishwasher. Cue about 10 minutes of inconsolable crying.
5. The fact your immune system is generally shit now. I get it, little one needs all the nutrients and help from my body it can get, but just when I passed the morning (all day – another lie) sickness, I get a major cold which I am still hauled up in bed for. And I then can’t take any cold/flu tablets because they’re harmful, so treating it with paracetamol and endless tissues to clear the endless mucus.
6. Having sex leads to a weird pink discharge (tmi potentially). I’ve called the doctor’s countless times about this in a panic, but the correlation they say is that I have sex, then the next day I get weird pink discharge. Apparently my cervix gets slightly irritated during sex, and suggested we don’t go as deep. Ego boost for my boyfriend, diminishing orgasms for me.
I write all this, but if this is what I have to go through to have my little one be born healthy and happy, I will do it all and more.